Red Riding Hood
by Starchaser1
Summary: This play was written with the help of my friend Smeagol - check out her stories too! Who says the wolf is the bad guy, anyhow?
1. Scene 1: In Which Red Departs

c B U Red Riding Hood B U  
  
B U Characters B U Red Wolfie Granny Mom  
  
Scene 1 c  
  
Mom: Red, your Granny isn't feeling well and---  
  
Red: Of course she isn't, she's dead!  
  
Mom: No, no the other one.  
  
Red: You mean the rich one?  
  
Mom: Yeah, that one. I have to finish this. (points to paper work) Bring this basket of goodies to her. I found the recipes on Martha Stewart. (leaves)  
  
Red: Sure, whatever. (to herself) Hmmmmmm... if I transform Granny into a pig, then I get her money! And I get that new BLUE riding hood I had my eye on. (pause) What you didn't think Red Riding Hood was my real name, did you? Gosh, that outfit is SO last production. Now where's that potion that Mom made? (looks around, and picks something up). Ah, here it is. Heh heh heh. I'll put it on these homemade chocolate-raisin-almond-banana- nut-oatmeal-lemon-cream-sugar cookies. I'll put it on all but this one, which I'll eat later (puts it on cookies).  
  
(Mom comes in) Mom: Red, are you going yet? I need to get those sent before twelve o'clock, because then I have another appointment.  
  
Red: Oh, yeah, sure. I'm going, I'm going!  
  
Mom: Good. I have a lot to do. Now, where's that pig potion the kosher butcher wanted? Martha Stewart showed me how to make that, too. I learn so much about.  
  
Red: Okay. Now I'm really going! (Runs out of house)  
  
Mom: YOU FORGOT YOUR RIDING HOOD, RED RIDING HOOD!  
  
Red: Can't you just call me Beag like a normal person? That's just an article of clothing!  
  
Mom: What? A Beag? No, that's a type of.  
  
Red: Whatever (grabs riding hood). 


	2. Scene 2: In Which Red Encounters a Wolf ...

b Scene 2 b  
  
Red: Ladedadeda. Why oh why can't I get a car? I HATE WALKING!!!!!!  
  
Wolfie: I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down! Hey! Where's the house? Where are those stupid pigs? THEY DON'T HAVE A PERMIT! I HAVE TO REPORT THEM! Oh wait, wrong fairytale.. And here comes that annoying brat Beag Riding Hood. She's such a greedy girl. and with that smirk on her face. I wonder what's she's up to? (to Red) What are you doing here?  
  
Red: I'm bringing Granny cookies! She's sick! Also, she's really rich. uh. sorry. these cookies are really rich!  
  
Wolfie: (aside) She's going to try and get Granny! Red, can I have one of those delicious cookies?  
  
Red: NO! I mean. they'll put you off your diet, Wolfie!  
  
Wolfie: I thought Jenny Craig was confidential! How did she know? I'd better stop her! Say, Red, why don't you pick some flowers for Granny?  
  
Red: Flowers? Pick? Flowers come from stores!  
  
Wolfie: Then go to the store!!! (to self) I better warn Granny (leaves)  
  
Red: Should I? Well, some roses would look smashing with my hood... (takes out a cell phone). Hello? Floral Florists? WHAT? I'M ON HOLD??? FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES??? (Sits down and waits) 


	3. Scene 3: In Which the Wolf Saves the Day...

b Scene 3 b  
  
Wolfie: (Rings bell) Granny, granny! I have to warn you! Red is coming to do something bad to you, she wants your money!  
  
Granny: Oh, I'll be out anyhow. I'm at a protest rally, and then I have two yoga classes.  
  
Wolfie: I thought you were sick?  
  
Granny: I'm using alternative medicine! I just need some sunshine. Goodbye, I have to go! I'm busy! You can stay for a while if you want. you look tired! Just don't eat my homemade fudge. you're on a diet! (leaves)  
  
Wolfie: HOW does everyone know that? (yawns) I'm tired. Maybe I'll lie down. Oh, I think her nightdress might fit me! I'll just sleep here for a while. (puts on nightdress, ripping noise). Maybe I do need to go on a diet! (Falls asleep)  
  
(Red knocks on door) Red: Granny, let me in, let me in, or I'll huff..wait, never mind. (To herself) Whatever, I'll just walk in. (walks in)  
  
Red: (wakes Wolfie up) Hi Granny! My, what big eyes you have!  
  
Wolfie: (half asleep) Huh.?  
  
Red: My what big ears you have!  
  
Wolfie: (half asleep) Uh..?  
  
Red: My, what a big stomach\ you have!  
  
Wolfie: (wakes up) Hey! I'm working on it! (starts to cry, runs out crying)  
  
Red: Okay then.. Maybe I'll have one of these cookies.why do I feel like I'm forgetting something? (eats a cookie) Yummmm.that was good, I ought to make some of.. oink! Oink!  
  
Wolfie: (from outside) looks like I'm back in the right fairytale..I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow the house down!  
  
Red: Oink? 


End file.
